He Loved Me.. But He DIDN’T STOP #DomesticViolenceAwareness

There are many forms of Domestic Abuse/Violence that not many speak about.  This is one form of it.
Photography by Nichole Alex

I didn’t know if I was ready to publicly share this part of my life.  I hope I have made the right decision in doing so.  The following is a running of my thoughts, words and pain turned in to a poetic display for you to see in your mind’s eye:

He Loved Me…
   He Told Me So…

I am very sick and anemic
The floor felt as if it were 2 inches away from my face
Willing myself to take another breath
My lungs could barely hold it!
He held my hand and kissed it
Told me he loved me and hated seeing me like this

“WHY can’t I touch you and love you?!”

Did he not see how much blood I have lost?
Did he not see how translucent my skin has become?
Does he not hear my shallow and rapid breathing?

“Please, I can’t…. my headache is deafening and I feel very weak.”

He persists and gets close
It’s not his fault I have made him wait all these weeks
It’s not his fault I am sick
I still feel horrible and have no strength to keep fighting

“I really wish I didn’t feel so bad, but are you sure you want to try even as sick as I am.”

He didn’t hesitate and reached out for me.
I closed my eyes and tried to find strength to make him happy
He was as if starved
My knees are buckling
I hold his hands

“Wait… hold on… STOP… STOP…STOP!”

I have no strength now and somehow I yell loud enough

“Look down!  Look!”

It was a terrible mess
I felt drained
I see the panic in his face
but I couldn’t move
I just held on to the post
He moves away in to the kitchen
Staring in horror
I look down
A pool of blood

He Loved me…
    He told me so…

In the Emergency Room now…
Doctors and Nurses asking me

“How can you be alive with such little blood in your body?”
“It’s a miracle…”

I slipped in and out of consciousness
I see his face filled with tears
I open my eyes and hear his pleas

“I’m sorry… I love you…”

He Loved Me…
   He Told Me So…

He couldn’t wait any longer
While I fought to stay in this world
He found another to satisfy his need that very week

He Loved Me…

… He Lied…


5 Days after he left me I dragged myself to the hospital for the final procedure that my insurance FINALLY approved.  I worked half a day at my new job and took 7 buses to make it to this surgery.  I ran out of the hospital as soon as I could sign the release papers and worried I wouldn’t get to my children’s school on time to pick them up.

I almost passed out in the bus a few times.  The last two blocks up the hill to my children’s school was the hardest.  Willing myself to put one foot in front of the other as tears ran down my face from the pain. Wishing I had money for a taxi or family to call upon, but I didn’t.

It’s been 5 years since this incident.  After that last procedure 3 years ago, I have spent these years regaining my health and inner peace.  Thankfully I was given a second chance at life and more time with my children.

When someone loves you they will put your health before their own.  They won’t pressure you for sex or bully you in to it.  They WILL STOP the moment you say STOP!

When someone truly loves you they will NEVER cheat on you…

May this experience shed light to your lives.

Contact me if you need someone to lend you strength, but CALL Authorities for HELP right away.  It may save your life!

Much Love and Strength,
Email:  BBWGeneration@gmail.com

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